Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day and a big, huge thank you, to all you fathers out there. I want to especially include step-fathers too, cause sometimes your job is even harder.

Dads don't get near as much credit as moms do when it comes to bringing up kids. It is true that in the majority of families, the mom does a lot of that early raising, feeding, cleaning, etc. But dads shouldn't cut themselves short. What they do is important too. They impart how to be a man to their sons. The sons learn how to treat women by how their dad treats mom. Dads impart to their daughters deep impressions about what kind of man they will marry. I know, I know, this isn't always true and I may be generalizing a bit, but it is what I notice and see.

In my own case, my birth father kind of disappeared from my life when I was only 4. As an adult, I can look at our personalities and see so many similarities between us that it is amazing, and I feel like I have hardly anything from my mother. Of course that may be why my mom and I don't get along too well. I think I remind her of him and she just has never liked that. I wish he hadn't gone away, but childhoods dont get to get repeated, so I have had to just accept that it happened.

I was lucky enough to have a second father come into my life when I was 6 and he was kind enough to adopt me. He was just a wonderful man and he also imparted many great things to me. Unfortunately, he died when I was 12 and this was a huge loss to me. One of the biggest impressions I had from him is that he never said a bad word about anyone. There were more people at his funeral then anyone could believe. During the 4 years of his illness, all of his friends rallied round and 2 of them came to our house every single night to help get him ready for bed. There was a large group of men that worked out a schedule to do this. That is true friendship. He was a truly gentle, thoughtful man and I wish I could be more like him. I think about him almost every day.

Believe it or not, I got lucky again with my 2nd step-father. He came into my life when I was 15 and deep in the throes of puberty rebellion. This was in 1970-71 and my fondest wish was to be a flower-child, so yeah, I was pretty crazy. But, he put up with me and taught me things too. Mainly practical things, like how to change tires and spackle dry wall, how to plant veggies and can them later and even how to make sauerkraut. These are survival skills that I don't use too often, but if Y-2K would have happened, I would have been well prepared. He died just a few years ago and I think of him often.

I wish I had more contact with my birth father, but its sorta difficult, especially with living overseas. He has 3 other children and lots of grandchildren, so I think we are just a kind of out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. I keep working on it though and hope that I am not being foolish about wanting a good relationship with my dad. Even though I am 53, I still yearn for it often.

My husband does a wonderful job of being a dad, even though he didn't get a lot of practice before coming into our lives and trying to be a dad to 2 teenagers. He keeps track of the school schedules, runs out and gets the last minute request for supplies and grocery requests, paid allowances when the kids own dads didn't pay any child support, been overly generous with gifts, and most of all, he has loved them and showed them how a man should be. Thoughtful, kind, respectful, and wise. I don't know if they appreciate him yet, but I am pretty sure they will some day. I wish it was soon.

So, to all you dads, we appreciate what you do. We are part of you and we love you for you.